The doorbell rings, you look through the peephole and sigh.

It’s that pinched face who’s always fretting, knotting her handkerchief, worrying about what’s going to happen tomorrow and how she can control it. Or the one covered by a creepy monster mask, who keeps peeking in the window. Or maybe it’s the face you secretly call Eeyore, who slumps in, shoulders and head down, and mumbles, “The sky has fallen. Always knew it would.”

Hello Anxiety, Fear and Depression.

When these or other strong emotions come calling, they’re almost like old friends because they’re so familiar. They’re comfortable in that uncomfortable sort of way — like your old sweatshirt with cat-claw holes and spaghetti sauce stains that you wear anyway.

So how do you break the pattern and get them to leave?

Slamming the door doesn’t work. The feelings will sit on the door step, or hide around the corner, or just stand there ringing the doorbell until you deal with them.

Inviting them in and telling them they can stay indefinitely in the guest room doesn’t work. They’ll drive you crazy, and the longer you hang onto them, the harder it is to get rid of them.

Here are a couple of ways I’ve found helpful to diffuse their power:

“I see you, I know you’re there.” Sometimes just the acknowledgment of the strong emotion is enough to deflate it a bit – remove some of the power it has over you.

“I hear you, let’s talk tomorrow, okay?” When you hear the familiar voices piping up (and they tend to get very active right when you’re trying to go to sleep), this response may bring some relief. You’re not denying the feelings or thoughts, just putting them on short-term hold.

Wanna dance? Do some Karaoke? I don’t know about you, but the idea of foxtrotting with Fear or singing “I Got You Babe” with Depression is enough to make me giggle. And sometimes a quick change of mental scenery (aka breaking your pattern) is enough that the emotions hightail it for the door.

My Why is bigger than yours. Once, when I had to confront a difficult person, as much distress as that caused, I also know deep in my gut that it had to be done. That “why” was strong enough to give me power over fear vs. it having power over me.

And sometimes, if they won’t stop chattering away about old misdeeds or sky-is-falling scenarios, give them a lollipop. That will keep them busy for a while.