One of the most frustrating emotions most people experience is anxiety – you can’t stop worrying, you replay conversations over and over in your head, or you imagine the very worst thing that could happen. At these times, you’d kill for an “off” switch in your brain to stop the noise.

The Buddhists have a term for this incessant mental restlessness or internal dialogue: Monkey Mind – named for the way these thoughts, like monkeys, seem to just swing from one worrisome idea to the next like tree branches. I tend to think of mine as Flying Monkey Mind, and they seem to get really active when I’m trying to go to sleep.

So, at night, when the flying monkeys are having a pillow fight in my head, instead of getting frustrated and buying into their icky brand of anxiety, I’ve tried visualizing myself gathering them up, putting them to bed and pulling up the covers. I kiss them good night and tell them I’ll see them in the morning. It’s a softer response, and while it may sound crazy to be kissing anxiety on the forehead and wishing it sweet dreams, by God it seems to work.

Fear responds in the same way. When I feel my lizard brain (the primitive limbic system) kicking the old fight-or-flight response into gear, I imagine fear as the Winter Warlock from “Santa Claus is Coming to Town.” Remember him? Scary voice, ice cold, pops up out of nowhere, threatens to capture Kris Kringle and never let him go? It feels like fear does the same thing to us. But what happens when Kris Kringle gives the Winter Warlock a toy train, aka shows him some compassion? The icy, scary part melts, and Winter morphs into an ally.

Maybe these strong emotions are just parts of us that need a little extra love. So, when you’re feeling nervous, scared, down, or overwhelmed, try softening your response. Instead of resisting or trying to get rid of the emotion, face it and give it a hug, or a glass of milk. And see what happens.

Happy Independence Day!

While we’ll be setting off fireworks and celebrating our country’s liberty today, it also felt like a good time to light an internal sparkler or two to celebrate all the hard work we do to ensure our inner freedom.

By this I mean freedom from all the “red shoes” of negative thought patterns and behaviors, and addictions of all sorts (anger, cigarettes, beer, binge-watching Netflix) — anything that keeps us imprisoned in a state the Small Self calls “safe” but the Higher Self calls “stifling.”

This is relentless work, and can be scary as hell, because your small self will convince you all sorts of danger exists on the other side if you give up gambling, gaming or the cushy job that sucks the life out of you. And while that fear feels REALLY real, it only exists in your head.

If you’ve ever worked hard a particularly tough habit or made a decision in favor of freedom, you know the amazing buoyancy you feel when you realize you’re not a slave to it anymore. That relief and utter joy on the other side is way bigger than any fear.

Happy freedom day. Here’s to kicking off some red shoes.