Did you ever see the Big Bang Theory episode where Amy tries to employ behavior modification on Sheldon’s obsessive need for closure? She erases the tic-tac-toe game before anyone can win, stops singing the national anthem at the second-to-last-line, and makes him box up his elaborate domino layout before he can push the first tile and watch them fall in succession.

It’s a humorous look at our need for certainty and the lengths we’ll go to get it. I can relate a lot to Sheldon, especially at times when there’s a lot ambiguity and I’m feeling stuck or overwhelmed.

When stress hits and hits hard, we go to our strongest or most deep-seated patterns of behavior because they bring us comfort (even if they’re not healthy). Some people get angry and lash out. Some shut down and isolate. My go-to vehicle for certainty is worrying and trying to control what happens by organizing the heck out of my current chaos. But my elaborate color-coded to-do lists and spreadsheets — while they work to a point — don’t always guarantee closure, complete a project, heal the sick kitty or sell the house.

And when you have a high need for certainty, as I do, you can’t just suddenly shed it and become a free spirit who simply tosses her hair and says “whatever” a lot. You just need to find a different, healthier vehicle to meet your need.

So I need to return to releasing outcomes. Letting go seems to be the antithesis of certainty, but if I accept things for what they are, do my very best and trust I’ll get through whatever happens, I get to certainty in a much healthier and more peaceful way.

And p.s., I think they call that faith.