There is an old story about two monks who were traveling together. At one point, they came to a river with a strong current. As they prepared to cross the river, they saw a beautiful woman also attempting to cross. But she was afraid of the water and asked them for help.

Without hesitation, the older monk picked up the woman, carried her across the river, placed her gently on the other side and resumed his 
journey. The junior monk was horrified, given their strict vows forbidding physical contact with women. An hour passed on their journey, and neither spoke.

Two more hours went by, then three, with the younger monk growing increasingly agitated. Finally, he blurted out accusingly, “As monks, we are not permitted to touch a woman, how could you carry her on your shoulders?”

The older monk looked at him and replied, “Brother, I set her down on the other side of the river, why are you still carrying her?”

This story is a great reminder of how much we can carry around if we’re not careful. We wouldn’t go around lugging a backpack full of rocks, but we think nothing of dragging around bitterness, judgment and resentments for years or even decades.

I remember in seventh grade, a popular boy said something derogatory about me, not realizing I was behind him. I was so ashamed. And that shame was seared into my subconscious for decades. Until I realized I had been dragging this memory around, and understood his comment said way more about his insecurity and far less about my worthiness. So, many years later, I let go of a resentment that never served me.

What are you carrying around?

If a boss or coworker didn’t treat you well, can you forgive them? If you didn’t get the job you really wanted, can you try to see how the result was even better for you? If you failed to stop a loved one from making a bad choice, can you accept they’re on their own path and you are powerless to control it?

It can be hard to do this. The lure of resentments is strong. But the resulting freedom from dropping the rocks out of your backpack is so worth it – and necessary – for your growth and peace.